At Eden Vista Burr Ridge, we understand how overwhelming it could feel for a family to move a loved one to memory care. The decision isn’t just rational; it’s emotionally charged, too. The relocation month, or the first thirty days after the move, carries a unique significance not just for the individual but for the family as well. Each day may feel like a decade, taking years to pass by. It’s the month nobody prepares you for.
Unfortunately, there isn’t a step-by-step guide for families to follow to ensure everything progresses at the right pace. Unlike assisted living, where the senior preserves many of their abilities to live independently, a memory care resident faces greater challenges, as relocation stress syndrome is more prominent when transitioning to memory care.
Even after a successful transition, the individual might show symptoms and behaviors that suggest they aren’t doing well. This is when families panic, second-guess the decision, and sometimes think of reversing it. But that doesn’t have to happen to everyone. Many families decide on a crisis and choose a community option that doesn’t fit their loved one.
In this blog, we will cover what the first 30 days after the move looks like in reality. We’ll detail what relocation stress looks like and how adjustment happens, along with practical ways to navigate this crucial phase.
The Arc Of Adjustment
The first month after a loved one moves into memory care is a critical, uneven adjustment window where residents and families experience a mix of intense emotions, disorientation, and gradual adaptation. It’s often the most vital and intense phase of the transition.
Seeing new faces, a new environment, and a new schedule can feel challenging for residents. Families often wonder whether their decision to move to memory care was right or if they made the wrong choice.
The move can feel heavier than necessary because of the role shift that happens afterward. Siblings who handled all caregiving responsibilities have suddenly shifted back to their original role as loving sons and daughters.
The family and the resident must understand that this is a transitional phase, not a period of stasis, and it will pass with patience.
Week One: Disorientation And What To Expect
During the first week, the resident may feel disoriented and struggle with adjustments as they enter an unfamiliar environment and encounter new faces and routines. They may feel more confused as new hallways, rooms, and schedules disrupt their internal sense of orientation. The unfamiliar surroundings can trigger anxiety, which may cause them to ask to “go home” frequently. It’s common for residents to cycle through grief, anger, guilt, or relief within the same day, and they may feel increased physical exhaustion and disrupted sleep patterns after the move.
Here’s what families can do:
- They should give the care team some time to establish early contact and rhythm instead of visiting frequently.
- Decorating the living space with familiar photos and favorite items would help find familiarity in the new space.
- Talk openly with staff about documenting the loved one’s adaptability to routine, as the first week is usually the hardest.
Weeks Two To Four: The Hardest Stretch
This period is when the initial adrenaline fades, reality sets in, and families and residents begin adjusting. Around the second week, the newness of the move wears off. This is when residents may begin comparing their present environment with their previous residence. They may still resist daily activities or routines. Around the third week, phone calls or repeated demands to “go home” begin to decrease as familiarity grows. Between weeks three and four, many residents start feeling comfortable enough to join the community activities. However, they may still reminisce and may feel isolated.
Here’s what families can do:
- During visits, families can ask for feedback on how the loved one’s doing and request that care plans be reviewed.
- Families must shift their focus from managing logistics to building emotional connection.
- Families must understand that adjustment takes time, especially when it’s for an individual with dementia. An inconsistent day doesn’t mean the placement was a mistake.
Visiting: Frequency, Timing, and Why Daily Can Backfire
Families often wonder: Should I visit every day at first, or should I plan the visits? The key is that a family’s visits should never complicate things for loved ones as they adjust to community life. At the same time, they must not feel abandoned by their own loved ones.
Scheduling frequent visits and communicating with staff is a sound, practical step, as it lets staff remind the resident before the visit. On the other hand, if they choose to visit daily, it can inadvertently prolong their anxiety and hinder the loved one’s bonding with the staff.
Experts recommend a gradual approach that begins with a brief hiatus during the first week, followed by visits two to three times a week in the following weeks.
‘I Want To Go Home’—What It Usually Means
Knowing a parent wants to go home may seem unusual at first. When someone with dementia asks to go home, they are rarely talking about a specific physical address. Instead, it is an emotional expression of distress. Here’s what this usually means:
- A Need for Safety and Comfort: “Home” represents security, love, familiarity, and a time when life felt predictable. Being unable to feel that way may lead the resident to ask to go home again and again.
- Disorientation or Fear: Cognitive changes make unfamiliar surroundings feel strange, foreign, or frightening.
- Living In The Past: They may mentally inhabit their childhood, a former home, or an earlier stage of life.
- Unmet Needs: They might be hungry, tired, in pain, lonely, or overwhelmed by sensory input.
What Families Can Do
First, don’t become distressed or upset by your loved one’s request. By staying calm, they can take the necessary steps. Here are some practical steps they can follow:
Responding In The Moment
Family members should never argue or try to correct them by saying things like, “This is your house now.” Instead, they can validate the emotion first, then offer physical and sensory comfort. They should check their basic needs, then gently redirect them to a pleasant activity.
Making The Environment Feel Like Home
By bringing familiar items to their new place, a family can help the loved one feel comfortable and find familiarity in their new surroundings. They can share their likes and preferences with staff.
Helping The Loved One Cop With Adjustment
They must understand that adjustment takes time, both physically and emotionally. Relocation stress is common and fades gradually as the individual becomes more accustomed to community life. By partnering with the care team, they can develop stronger care plans and support their own well-being.
Routine, And The Power Of One Or Two Connections
Building a routine after moving matters more than families realize. Likewise, social connection matters, too. Families must understand that they have chosen a second home for their loved one, where they will live permanently. It’s not a vacation where amenities alone will help them live well. The first thirty days focus on building a predictable daily rhythm and establishing meaningful human connections that help reduce anxiety and disorientation.
To help the loved one build familiarity, a family can bring familiar items that reduce confusion and initial fatigue. Routines become easier with predictable schedules built around meals, waking, and light activities that create a sense of security. By the third week, residents can recognize specific caregivers by name and engage in peer activities more comfortably. As the end of the month approaches, daily rhythms will start to feel more natural and easier to follow.
Even one or two connections can help the resident feel less overwhelmed during the early stages of the transition. Family can help the loved one connect with primary caregivers, giving them a trusted face to look for each morning. Moreover, peer friendships turn a simple shared activity like lunch into an enjoyable experience.
Signs It’s Going Well
Noticing the signs that adjustment is going well is key to helping a family ensure their loved one has a fulfilling life ahead. Here’s what shows that relocation has gone well and your loved one has adjusted to their new life.
- They can follow predictable routines that help them feel confident and comfortable.
- They begin recognizing caregivers by name.
- Their appetite has increased, sleep patterns have improved, and day-to-day crises like wandering or major agitation have decreased.
- They have begun joining social activities more openly.
- Calls or requests to “go home” have gradually decreased as orientation sets in.
Signs Of A Genuine Mismatch
By observing the signs of a genuine mismatch, a family can determine whether it’s adjustment trauma or a true community mismatch.
Here are the red flags a family must watch for to determine whether it’s a real mismatch and not adjustment trauma.
- The individual shows severe physical & medical decline due to meal refusal, frequent or unexplained falls, or extreme sleep disturbance or sedation.
- Behavioral issues have escalated a lot and become unmanageable. Examples include sustained aggression, self-injury, complete social exhaustion, and total withdrawal.
- The community is showing administrative and care gaps, including poor communication, unmanageable routine management, and neglected resident care.
FAQ
- How long does adjustment usually take?
In general, most residents adjust to the memory care community in 30 to 90 days.
- What does the first week typically look like?
The first week in a memory care community focuses on a gentle, relationship-centered welcome rather than a busy schedule. Staff prioritizes safety, sensory comfort, and quiet familiarity.
- What does ‘I want to go home’ actually mean?
When a memory care resident says, “I want to go home,” they aren’t asking for a physical address but are communicating an emotional need or distress. This happens because their brain processes feelings and early memories much better than current, short-term orientation.
- What should staff be telling us, and how often?
After a loved one moves into memory care, staff should provide regular updates on their health, daily life, and adjustment progress, along with briefings about formal care plan meetings.
- What should we avoid doing?
During the first thirty days after a loved one moves into a memory care community, it’s recommended to avoid specific behaviors that can increase their confusion, anxiety, or agitation.
Here’s what to avoid:
- Don’t argue or give detailed explanations.
- Don’t push them to recall an event by asking “remember.”
- Don’t give them specific return times.
- Don’t overextend a visit.
- Don’t expose them to sensory overload.
Eden Vista Burr Ridge—Memory Care That Feels Like Home
At Eden Vista Burr Ridge, we recognize that a memory care move entails much more than just a physical relocation. A successful transition isn’t about settling in; it’s about feeling part of the community and being supported and reassured. But the reality often differs from what the family anticipates. Their loved one may struggle to find the stability they expected. But that doesn’t mean they chose the wrong path or made a wrong decision. With effort, a family can provide their loved one with the life they aspired to.
Families exploring a reliable memory care option for their loved one can contact us at Eden Vista Burr Ridge. No matter what stage of dementia they are in, we are here to help them access the right care and daily living support needed to live a fulfilling life.
Our community offers a safe, secure, and compassionate living setting, tailored care plans, and a warm atmosphere that promotes peace of mind for families, who know their loved ones are in the right hands.
Schedule a tour today and visit our premier memory care community to learn about the services we offer to enrich residents’ lives.